De-clutter your kids’ Christmas

Posted on by peeinpeace

If you’re like us, people bought your children way more than they need for Christmas or Hanukkah.  (Okay, maybe you had something to do with it, but I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad.)  I decided I would go to the toy store to get “a few things” and ended up finding all kinds of goodies that were just too cute to leave there.  In my defense, I was able to pawn some of the items off to my brothers (at market value of course) to give to the kids, as they hadn’t shopped yet.  I also got sucked into a bit of the “best toys of 2010” frenzy and I ordered not one, not two, but FOUR Singamajigs.  (What on earth made me think that was a good idea, I’ll never know.)  And of course, Zach turned one on December 17th, so I had a bit of parent’s guilt going on, thinking I needed to make sure his birthday was special and that he received more than his sister did.  (As if a one-year-old would ever know the difference.)

The point is that now we’re in Florida with a minivan that was already full on the trip down, and I have no idea how to get it all home without paying money to ship some of it.  (This is something I am in principle against.)  I had already been thinking that we need to come up with a family tradition related to receiving and giving gifts that fosters gratitude, sharing, and putting others ahead of ourselves.  So here are some ideas to ameliorate the excess and put the focus on others.

1) A no new toys policy – A friend of a friend has four kids and a rule that they buy no new toys for their children.  For birthdays and Christmases, they receive some new gifts from family and friends, but they never buy anything new themselves.  They buy toys at yard sales, consignment stores, and the like.  I LOVE this idea because it probably makes taking the kids shopping anywhere (like Target or even the grocery store) a much easier process.  I was going to adhere to it except I have found myself incapable so far.

2) A three gift policy – My mom told me Kathie Lee Gifford said on the Today Show recently that they give each of their kids only three gifts on Christmas because that’s how many Jesus received.

3) A giveaway policy – We’re toying with the idea of asking the kids after every birthday and Christmas to choose one item they receive and give it away to a child in need.  As they’re a little young right now, we can do this for them this year.  (I think some Singamajigs might need good homes.)

4) Leave some things at grandma’s – Some of our new toys are going to have to stay here.  And that makes sense anyway so that the next time we come, there are already things to play with that will seem new to the kids.

5) Ask for what you need most – Set up 529 college plans or savings accounts for your kids when they are born, and have family members put money into them for each birthday and Christmas in lieu of buying other gifts.  When they receive cash gifts, have them save a percentage in these accounts as well.

6) Periodically purge – After every event in their lives when your children receive new toys and clothes, go through what they currently have and get rid of a set or proportionate number of old items that they can live without.  Then take a special trip to a homeless mission or Salvation Army and have your children personally deliver the toys they are donating.

7) Set a budget – It’s a simple concept, but not easy to adhere to.

8) Stay out of toy stores – This Christmas was only the third time since I’ve had children that I went into a Toys ‘R Us.  Every time I do, I have a list and end up buying things that weren’t on it.  It’s a dangerous place to go.  I’m going to refrain from going and instead use Amazon where I can get free super saver shipping and avoid paying sales tax.

9) Give the gift of time – A former co-worker’s twin daughters were premature and spent a lot of time in our local NICU.  The girls are 10 now, and every Thanksgiving they still bake cookies and take them to the nurses at the hospital to thank them.  I read about another family in the book “Crazy Love” that spends its first hours on Christmas morning making hot chocolate and going downtown to hand it out to homeless people.  I really wanted to do this but the truth is I got lazy about it.  I hope next year I am more motivated; perhaps we can come up with our own idea that is similar but will be “ours.”

If you’re feeling a bit over-indulged like I am, or just that as the New Year approaches you want to “get organized and de-clutter,” let me know if the above suggestions are helpful.  I’m always looking for new and great ideas!  Now I must go and find a way to convince Zach that his new toy cell phone is just as cool as my real one (because he’s screaming about it).

 

Baby products (and beyond) that you can’t live without

Posted on by peeinpeace

No matter how much you prepare for a baby, there’s no real way to prepare for a baby.  It’s impossible to avoid some trips in the early weeks to the baby superstore or drugstore for things you either didn’t know you needed or thought you wouldn’t need (like a nose suctioner), only to find out you did.  Or, there are lots of things you find out you need to try various types of before you find exactly what works for you and your baby (such as pacifiers, bottles or nursing pads).  Then there are the things you simply can’t buy in advance (like mass quantities of nursing bras because you don’t know how big you’ll be).  Maybe I’ll make lists of those separately.  But for those who like to be prepared (like me), there are ways you can minimize your stress.  This post is about the things you can definitely anticipate you will use and should have ready to go.  They will make your life easier and from my limited experience with two babies, here they are:

If you are planning on nursing:

1. Boppy or My Breast Friend nursing pillow – You can take this one to the bank – and the hospital.  If you want to nurse, a nursing pillow is essential when you spend half your day with a newborn attached to your nips.  You have to be able to get comfortable.  With Eliza, I carted the Boppy all over the house with me.  With Zach, I bought a spare from a consignment shop so I had one upstairs and one downstairs.  A neighbor of mine just had her second baby, and she loves My Breast Friend because she can strap it to herself and nurse the baby (or just let her fall asleep at the breast) and walk around with her arms free.  The Boppy does not strap onto you, so you can only use it while sitting.

2. An electric pump – If you have any nursing issues, want the convenience of being able to give your baby a bottle at some point while nursing, or if you have to go back to work, a good quality pump is non-negotiable.  With both Eliza and Zach, I required a hospital-grade pump to get my milk going in the beginning with 2 jaundiced kids.  But you should probably rent one of these as they’re super expensive and not needed for very long.  The consumer electric pumps are perfect for the job once your baby is a few weeks old and nursing is established.  And if you introduce a bottle around 4-6 weeks, you will most likely have a much easier time getting your baby to let you get out.

3. A lactation consultant – Find a friend who’s had a baby and get the name and number of one to have on-hand should you need help.  I had terrible issues with Eliza and if I had gotten help on her first, second or even third day of life, it would have made such a difference.  Your hospital or birthing center should also have a lactation consultant on staff who can help you while you’re there.  Even if you think everything is going peachy-keen, still get a consultant to watch you nurse and give you pointers.  You can be latching improperly the first day or two in the hospital and seem fine, and then get home and experience agonizing latching pain and bleeding and chafing because you’re doing it wrong.  Get all the free help you can wherever you birth your baby, and then have someone you can follow-up with just in case.  If you do a home birth, have your midwife help and do a follow-up.

4. A fashionable nursing cover – If you’re going to have to nurse in public, or are just more modest about nursing, it’s nice to feel like you have something stylish to put on when you’re generally wearing sweat suits everywhere.  If you lay a blanket over you, your baby can wave his arms and move it out-of-place.  Having something that straps around your neck makes a difference.  I like Bebe Au Laits (in stores) and uddercovers.com.

No matter whether you nurse:

5. A pediatrician – The practice we ended up choosing does not visit the hospital where we delivered, and it made things harder having our kids real pediatricians not see them until they were 4- or 5-days-old (both were born right before the weekend).  When searching in the last trimester, make sure you find someone who can visit your baby in the hospital or birthing center with you.

6. Sleep and swaddling blankets – Whether it’s summer or winter, loose blankets are a no-no in the crib.  It’s nice to have blankets you can zip up around your baby, as well as swaddling ones.  Some babies like being swaddled, and others prefer to have their limbs free.  You will want to try both.  For summer I like the Aden + Anais muslin sleep blankets and swaddling blankets.  Any of the fleece sleep blankets are great for winter.  I would get 3 different kinds of swaddling blankets because some babies seem to break free from some fabrics, while others really hold together.

7. Lap pads – I bought a pack of these thinking I would give them to people to put on their laps and protect themselves from spit ups or other various and sundry fluid leaks.  They are useless for that because they’re about 1 foot square.  However, I decided to use them on top of my changing pad covers right in the area where I changed diapers.  To this day I still do it so I don’t have to wash a whole changing pad cover when a diaper change gets messy.

8. Burp cloths – Again, Aden + Anais makes some great ones because they are shaped to fit around your neck and they have snaps so they convert to regular bibs.  I also used cloth diapers as burp cloths and kept piles of them everywhere around the house because Eliza spit up ALL.  THE.  TIME.

9. Diapers and wipes – Don’t buy mass quantities of these before your baby arrives.  Get one small pack (24 or so) of 3 different brands of disposable newborn diapers.  These should get you through roughly the first week.  Try them all to see which one seems to work best.  If none of them leak for your baby, then go with the least expensive option that you like.  Most babies grow out of the newborn size within the first 2-4 weeks (and some are born too big for them anyway).  Having a huge supply of newborn diapers doesn’t make a lot of sense.  You will need to go to the store to get diapers in the early days no matter what, so don’t freak out about needing a supply to get you through a month.  It’s silly.  If you are planning on using cloth diapers, I would recommend trying 3 different types as well.  If you’re comfortable with it, you could borrow the outer casings of a few different brands from friends who have used them and just buy the inserts so you don’t spend a lot.  Some of my friends swear by FuzzyBunz and bumGenius.  Econobum is another brand.  There are also hybrid systems that combine the convenience of disposable with the earth-friendliness of cloth, such as the Flip System and G Diapers.  (I did not have good luck with G Diapers, but that’s just me.)  I would also try 3 different brands of wipes.  Some babies have sensitive skin and do better with less wet wipes than others.  Once you find the brand you like, then buy the huge, economy-size packs.

10. Some changing station on every floor of your home – Keep a basket with wipes, cream, diapers, and some sort of changing pad (it could even be a receiving blanket you lay on the carpet) in all the major areas where you will be spending time so you don’t have to climb flights of stairs 12 times a day just to change a diaper (especially if you end up having a C-section).

11. Netflix – When you spend hours and hours in the early days feeding your baby, you often want to keep the lights down while you do it so the baby can go right back to sleep.    I remember trying to read Sarah Palin’s book in the faint shine of Zach’s night-light (because I wanted to read something that wouldn’t wake me up too much).  During the day, it’s also nice to have something to do when you’re feeding.  This is a great time to catch up on past seasons of shows you like or movies you’ve been wanting to see.

12. Bjorn or Ergo Baby or Moby Wrap – You can register for these and return the one(s) you find you don’t like or don’t use, or you might find you like having options depending on what you’re doing.  There is no price value I can place on being able to carry a young baby while having both hands free to do dishes, vacuum, make yourself a sandwich, go to the bathroom, or take a hike through the woods.  I personally loved the Bjorn and never had luck with either of my kids in a sling.  But I never tried the Ergo Baby.

13. A baby swing or bouncer – Again, you will need to do some things that require you not be holding your baby.  It’s great to have somewhere safe to strap the baby down while you do something.  Bouncers are more portable and smaller than swings (and some bouncers actually swing babies, too).  If you want to have your baby nearby while you load the dishwasher, and also when you go to the bathroom, a bouncer is great.

14. A portable crib – Although I have a regular pack-and-play, I would highly recommend the PeaPod Plus if you like to travel and want something light.  At home, it can be another option for a safe place to set your baby (away from pets, for example).

15. A stroller for your car seat – One of my most favorite pieces of equipment was my Snap ‘N Go stroller.  Although it doesn’t specifically say it is compatible with Chicco car seats, it worked for me.  Babies sleep a lot, and often fall asleep in the car.  Having to transfer your infant and wake her up to move her to a stroller is no fun.

Obviously, there are some things I’ve left off the list such as a crib, a car seat and clothing.   But I think it would be hard to forget those, and I don’t have a specific recommendation for any of them.

What have I forgotten?

Baby products you simply don’t need

Posted on by peeinpeace

A friend recently sent me a Reader’s Digest article about baby products that are a waste of money (thanks, Irene!).  I agreed with every one of them, and it got me thinking that the list wasn’t exhaustive enough.  Thus, I’m posting the list here, as well as adding my own additions to it.  Right now I have at least half a dozen friends who are pregnant (three with their first children), so this is for you guys (or I should say gals)!

Reader’s Digest list:

1. Diaper Genie – You have to buy specific brand trash bag refills for this.  I used a Diaper Champ that allows you to use regular medium trash bags.  I used it a little while for Eliza, and then realized that no matter what you do to mask the smell, you just have to get diapers out of the house on a daily basis.  My kitchen trash can became the receptacle for all diapers.

2. Pee pee Tee Pees – Sure, Zach peed on the wall and on me a few times while getting changed, but you can just keep the dirty diaper over a boy’s anatomy while you change him and quickly recover the area with the new diaper.

3. bottle sanitizer

4. bottle warmer

5. wipe warmer

6. baby powder

7. diaper caddy

8. receiving blankets – I would recommend Aden + Anais swaddling blankets,

9. hand mittens – My lactation consultant chastised me for ever putting these on Eliza, saying a newborn only has so many ways to learn about the world, and one of them is touch)

10. baby food processor (I have another post about the Beaba)

11. baby video monitor – You don’t NEED to see your baby while he sleeps.  An audio monitor will suffice.  If you WANT to, that’s a different thing entirely.

12. Baby Einstein DVDs

13. shopping cart cover – You bring the cover home, which now has all those germs on it anyway.

And now, my additions …

14. a portable crib with any bells and whistles – the one I got was $170 because it had a changing station attached to it, a music player, a vibration machine … and I never needed any of those things.  I’ll say it a million times: you want your kids to learn to fall asleep without help, so getting in the habit of putting them down with sleep crutches is just dumb.  (My disclaimer here is I’ve never had a child with colic, so I’m sure if I did I would be willing to try anything.)

15. crib or bedroom ambiance toys – ocean wonders, noise makers, etc. all become sleep crutches.  It depends on you if you want to have to travel with these things for life.

16. special detergent – find a scent-free detergent you can use for the whole family and be done with it.

17. backseat mirror for the car – they’re safety hazards because they can cause accidents (because they distract you) and in an accident they can become airborne weapons.

18. car seat head supports – unless you have a preemie or your baby is underweight for your car seat and your pediatrician recommends this, you do not need it.

19. sleep positioners – aside from them being ridiculous to begin with, recent research has warned they are safety hazards.

20. Special stroller organizers or umbrellas – Honestly, marketers will try to sell you ANYTHING …

21. strap covers for car seats or strollers – My opinion is car seat makers have to meet strict standards to keep your kids safe.  Why add anything unnecessary to such a piece of equipment?  My kids are perfectly comfortable in their seats without these.

Stay tuned for a list that’s just the OPPOSITE – all the things you just can’t live without!  And I’m curious if you have any baby products you got that you found to be useless.

How do you know if you want more kids?

Posted on by peeinpeace

Does anyone know a good urologist in our area?  The last time we talked about it, Greg told me he was about 85% sure he doesn’t want any more kids.  I am less sure what I want, depending on the time of day.  If it’s afternoon nap time, I might think I could have another some day, maybe when Eliza’s in pre-kindergarten.  If Eliza’s choking Zach’s neck for the 13th time and it’s only 8:30 and I have breakfast all over me even though I haven’t eaten anything yet, I am generally of the mindset that Greg should get on the phone and make an appointment for a vasectomy.

This morning brought unplanned-for chaos, and I was ready to make an appointment myself an hour ago, but now I’m not so sure.  (It’s nap-time.)  My neighbor, Chelsea, is expecting any minute (she would say yesterday, even though she’s 37 weeks), and around 7 this morning her contractions dictated a hospital trip.  She needed someone to take her two daughters, so of course I said “yes.”  I put on a big pot of oatmeal and told myself, “I can do this.”  I had planned on heading to the grocery store because we’re hosting a friend for dinner, and our cleaning ladies were coming, and it’s rainy, but whatever.  I always quote to myself, “The best laid plans of mice and men … ” despite never having read that book.  And I have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde internal power struggle between the laid-back-take-things-in-stride person I want to be, and the type-A control freak I generally am, wondering this morning if I could keep from playing favorites, and how I was going to keep the house picked up enough for the cleaners to actually clean, and how I could feed four kids at the same time, and why in the heck Greg was still in bed, because there was no way he couldn’t hear the extra voices downstairs.

The five hours were crazy.  Chelsea’s eldest, who’s nearly five-years-old, asked “Why?” at least 15 times.  She asked me why Eliza had four time-outs.  She asked me why we weren’t going to play with Play-Doh.  She asked me why I couldn’t whistle, and when I said her mom and dad were special because they could whistle, she said, “You’re not special?”  And I said, “No, I guess I’m not, at least not in that way.”  To which she responded, “No, Eliza’s mom, you are special to the man who’s Eliza’s dad.”

Chelsea’s soon-to-be middle child (because the baby hasn’t graced us with her presence yet!) and Eliza fought over every toy that sparked either one of their interests today.  Eliza pushed her multiple times and kept ripping toys from her grips (hence the aforementioned time-outs).  I got to the point where I just took everything away that any of them fought over.  It didn’t really deter the fighting, but maybe it will some day.

But even after all of the tough moments, and all of my “Because I’m in charge” and “Because I said so” comments (things I vowed never to say as a kid when my own parents said them to me), I sit here in a moment of clarity knowing how special each of these kids is.  I couldn’t imagine a world without any one of them, and so that’s why I really don’t know if I want more.  As crazy as life with three or four (or more if that were God’s plan) would be, I know He wouldn’t give me more than I could handle.  But it’s so hard when you’re in the middle of a challenging scene, because you feel like things are so out of control, and you can’t handle another request to go pee, or for more food, or to get down, or another “She pushed me,” or just plain “Whaaaaa.”

I think if we’re supposed to have more kids, God is going to have to make it abundantly clear.  For now, I pretty much do cartwheels every time I get my period.  But maybe someday I won’t, and I’ll long for another one.  I guess if Greg were to get a vasectomy (a very BIG if) and we got pregnant anyway, I would know for sure it was meant to be.  😉

They really do grow up so fast

Posted on by peeinpeace

Just today, we went to two birthday parties, and it really dawned on me how quickly time flies with little kids.  We celebrated the first, second and third birthdays of three friends, and it just didn’t seem possible.  It’s like, one day they’re learning to walk and the next they’re telling you to shut up.  Or one day you are rubbing baby lotion all over your little girl’s bottom and the next she’s putting on makeup.

In Eliza’s case, she’s actually already doing that.  This morning we were heading out the door, and I asked her if she was ready to go.  She said, “No, I need lipstick.”  Then she reached into my purse, grabbed my Chapstick, pulled off the lid, applied it liberally on her lips and the general area around them, and then put the lid back on and put it back in my purse.  She also told me as I tried to simultaneously strap her into her car seat and get her to give me her party favor bag, “I’m busy.”

It’s one of those days where I’ve been struck hard by the idea of just how long some days can seem minute-by-minute, but how the months and years fly by.  I also went shopping today to get the kids some much-needed warmer clothing that fits, and I couldn’t believe how little baby clothes were – and especially that my children don’t fit in any of those clothes now.  I had to find the 2Ts and the 12-month stuff.

I’m not sure that I really have a point except to say that as tough as any difficult moment may seem, each breath is truly a gift to cherish.  It’s so awesome to watch these two little ones grow up.  I want to make sure I focus on that at least once every day.  Because the next kid’s birthday I’ll be celebrating will be Zach’s – and it is impossible to believe that he will be one next month.

Sometimes grace is all you’ve got

Posted on by peeinpeace

Today, simply put, is “one of those days.”  And it’s only 1:23 in the afternoon right now.

Last night I wasn’t tired when I went to bed, so I allowed myself to go to sleep late.  I said to Greg, “Gosh, I hope Zach doesn’t get up at 5:30 again like this morning.”  I prayed, wanting to have a good attitude, asking God that regardless of when I would be woken up, that I would be the mom He wants me to be.  Of course, I also requested that his will would coincide with mine, meaning an appropriate wake-up time would be around 7 a.m.  I asked God to give me the strength to love Greg and our kids the way He wants me to love them.  (This is a consistent prayer of mine.)

Then God, or Zach, or both of them, woke me up at 5:07 this morning.  It’s only mid-day, and I’ve already been working more than eight hours.  When my day starts like this, it’s so easy for the runaway train of negativity to take over my thoughts.  Exhaustion for me leads to impatience, lashing out, and a slew of other not-so-beautiful traits.

The day has not presented itself with more challenges than any normal day would with a 27-month-old know-it-all toddler and a 10-month-old curious and fast-moving baby.  But every tug on my pants, temper tantrum and trip over the dog is just that much more difficult to suck down with a smile than usual.

Speaking of the dog, she really has a barking issue.  When anyone comes near the door, she sometimes barks so forcefully that it shoots a poop nugget out of her butt.  I’m not kidding.  We’ve seen it happen.  Today during lunch, a UPS guy dropped off a package and Abbey went crazy as usual.  I was finally enjoying a few bites of my food when I thought I smelled poop.  I looked behind me and Abbey was dragging her butt on the ground.  Apparently two poop nuggets strung together by – something (hair?) – had shot out from the attempted delivery man assault, but not all the way.  This was the capstone to my already “crappy” morning.  I shouted at her to get outside and then Clorox wiped the floor that had just been mopped an hour earlier.

And now, looking back, while God is giving me a respite while the kids nap, I am thankful for the peace and quiet.  And I am laughing at how ridiculous it is that my dog does that.  Right now I can pick up my Bible and spend some time reading.  But before I do that, I have to admit I’m a bit sad, disappointed in myself for my lack of self-control in the tough moments.  I wish I were more capable of handling every situation with poise.  I wish that every time I prayed for peace, joy, patience and restraint that I would have them.

When I feel like a bad mom for blowing up or losing it, I have to remember that God not only covers a multitude of sins, but in the words of Pastor Bob Coy, He covers a multitude of scruples.  I am so thankful for the grace He gives me, and the grace my kids do, too.  I am praying I can be as gracious to them this afternoon.

So Lord, please bless me in this short time I have.  I want to spend time with you and I want to take a nap.  But it’s already 1:47.  Please let them both sleep until at least 3 p.m.  But if not, help me to be okay with whenever I am back on duty.  And help me to have a better attitude this afternoon than I did this morning.  Amen.

Mommy confessions

Posted on by peeinpeace

Earlier today I spoke to a friend who’s known me 90% of my life.  She said she had a breakdown after reading this blog one day, feeling stressed because she realized she would soon have to start making her own baby food, thinking it would be too much, wondering how I do it with two kids when she has one.  It’s interesting timing, because yesterday I was thinking I should tie up loose ends and come clean about a few things.  I think it would be easy for someone to read parts of this blog and think somehow I have super powers or my children do things like go to bed without a fight.  (Actually, tonight is one of the nights Eliza went right down, but Zach is still up and super ornery, sitting on Greg’s lap next to me trying to contort himself into a position from which he can watch back episodes of “30 Rock” with us.)

The truth is I mess up quite a bit, and constantly wonder if what I’m doing is the right thing.  So, to be sure you all understand I am real with you, here are my current “mommy confessions”:

TEACHING and DISCIPLINE

1) I’m not sure I would call it caving in, but I did not, in the end, force Eliza to eat her macaroni and cheese with peas and carrots (from my last post).  What happened was she was so tired (and hungry) that she fell asleep sitting up on the couch.  I took the opportunity to heat up some leftover matzoh ball soup.  When I came back to the couch, Eliza was awake and she wanted my soup.  Now, I had tried to get her to eat this soup before with no luck, and as it had carrots and celery in it, I considered it an even trade with the macaroni and cheese.  She ate it up.  She was so hungry that she probably would have eaten anything.  And her eating habits have been much more, shall I say, cooperative since then.  But I technically did not stick to my guns.

2) I haven’t spent time planning meals to cook for Zach in probably three weeks.  Part of that is because we were on vacation, but part of it is because I’m too tired.  Maybe I’ll get on another baby food cooking kick tomorrow or the next day.  But I highly doubt it.

3) I haven’t started teaching Eliza how to sort laundry yet.  Today she wanted to “help” me fold sheets, and after about 2 1/2 minutes of her messing it up, I quickly cut her out of the process so I could just get it done.  Sometimes, it’s just not a teaching moment.

GERMS

4) Sometimes when I need a bottle I just rinse out the one I used at the last feeding with hot water.

5) I don’t always remember to wash Zach and Eliza’s hands before they eat.

6) I let my kids eat off the floor at home and sometimes in public.  When we’re out, if one of them drops food on the ground (like a sandwich or something I can’t easily replace), I check to see if anyone else is watching.  If someone is, I say, “Oh, we have to throw that away now because it’s dirty.”  But if there’s no one around, I just give it back.  Of course, if it were, say, a raisin, I would throw it out no matter what.  It just depends on how valuable the item is.

SAFETY

7) I’ve driven Zach to and Eliza from the mall – that is 25 miles away – without having them buckled in their car seats.  They were IN their seats, just not STRAPPED.  I always double-check this now.

8) I’ve driven Eliza around for an entire day without her car seat being strapped into the latches.  Now I never put the car seat in the car without latching it in immediately.

9) When Eliza was about 5-months-old, she was on my bed and I went into the closet for a minute to hang up a few things, and she rolled off.  Thank the Lord she was okay.

10) The morning we left for the beach trip a couple of months ago, Zach fell down our entire flight of basement stairs.  (These things always happen under stress.)  I was trying to get last-minute laundry done, so I carried a pile to fold upstairs and forgot to close the basement door.  At the same time, Eliza woke up.  So I dumped the laundry in the sun room where Zach was sitting happily on the floor, and I went upstairs to get Eliza.  She, of course, needed to pee, so I reluctantly took her to the bathroom.  When she was finishing up, I heard a “thud, thud, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH” and immediately ran downstairs.  He was at the base of the basement stairs, screaming his head off.  I couldn’t stop shaking afterwards, and praise God he was alright.  I even had the pediatrician check him out to be sure.  But I think out of everything that’s happened, that was the worst.

We all have our shortcuts and shortcomings, and we all make our mistakes.  I think being real with ourselves and each other helps us accept our humanity and realize we’re not alone in this journey called motherhood.  I will be the first to say that it’s okay if you don’t make your own baby food.  Sure, it’s healthier, and pretty easy, but I probably negate all the good nutrition I get them by letting them eat off the floor.  Sometimes we’re just getting by, and that has to be enough.  I hope you can share your confessions, too!

My “boss” is moody and completely irrational

Posted on by peeinpeace

Being a parent is the most amazing job out there and I love it.  It is rewarding, challenging and awe-inspiring.  But there are also moments when it seems like you are working for bosses (your children) with about one-sixty-forth your intelligence who will not let you quit – and cannot fire you – for 18 years.  Last night through today is one of those times when I’m just shaking my head, throwing my hands in the air and trusting that sticking to my guns will pay off.

This story begins with us returning from vacation a week ago, when within hours I came down with my first stomach bug since I was a child.  Let’s just say thank goodness I still have Eliza’s training potties in the bathrooms, because I was using two toilets at once.  After Greg and I both got it, I spent a few days fearfully anticipating when the kids would succumb to the violent sickness.  So, as Eliza kept asking for bread throughout the past week, I eagerly complied with the requests, thinking she must have felt nauseated.

It turns out she either already had a mild version of it while on vacation or she’s not going to get it.  So here we are, a week later, and the result is I now have a child who only wants to eat bread and fruit.  This is a situation that I would like to correct quickly.  Thus, last night I made mac and cheese from scratch with carrots and peas.  It was delicious.  I was proud of it.  I served it to Eliza and Zach.  Neither wanted to touch it and both started crying.  (Lucky for Zach, he’s too young for tough love and I gave him something else.)

I told Eliza she had to at least taste it before she could get down from her seat at the table.  What ensued can only be described as madness.  She spent 25 minutes in complete despair, screaming and crying.  She asked to get down probably 42 times, each time receiving the explanation that she could do that after she took a bite.  Sometimes when she asked, I would ask, “Eliza, what do you have to do to get down?”  And she would answer, “Eat my pasta.”  Right.  Good girl.  You get it.  But getting it and doing it are two entirely different things.

I finally took one piece of pasta, one pea, and one carrot, placed them on her place mat, and said, “Eat that and you can get down.”  She took them, shoved them quickly in her mouth, chewed vigorously, opened her mouth to show me it was gone, and smiled.  I asked, “Did you like it?”  She replied enthusiastically, “I WIKE it!”  Yay!  It was the proverbial “Green Eggs and Ham” moment.  Then I asked, “Would you like to eat some more?”  She responded, “No, I wike to get down.”  What could I do?  She held up her end of the bargain.  So that was her dinner.  A pea-sized carrot, pea, and mini penne noodle.

She also didn’t eat but a few bites of her spinach and cheese omelet for breakfast yesterday, and I had saved that, too.  Wouldn’t you know she woke up at 12:30 a.m. asking for bread.  I told Greg she had eggs and pasta in the fridge, and then, in a moment of weakness, I said, “You know what?  Just give her bread.”  I didn’t want her to throw a fit, get worked up, and not be able to go back to sleep.  So I went to bed and he got suckered by a 26-month-old.

This morning I offered Eliza the eggs for breakfast.  She ate a few bites and refused the rest.  She wanted other food, she wanted to go outside, she wanted juice, and I promised her she could have all these things if she would eat the eggs.  I finally threw them out after 2 hours.  Next I moved onto the pasta.  It’s almost 2 p.m. and I’ve been offering her reheated pasta for four hours.  She will not budge.  But neither will I.  Until she eats some of it, she won’t get anything else.  This might cost me her nap because she’ll be too hungry to sleep.  But I must stick it out.

As her employee, she’s given me an inexorable and nearly impossible assignment that is asinine and costing her a lot.  But she’s testing my character.  What she doesn’t realize, because she’s two, is that I am smarter than her and I have more stamina.  I’ll show her who’s boss!

I know I said the potty training was done, but …

Posted on by peeinpeace

… it turns out that once kids are trained to use the toilet, sometimes they decide not to.

Eliza has suffered in the past week from wetting herself because she just doesn’t want to pull herself away from her very important activities, like playing in her sandbox or texting her friends.  And I get it, it’s an inconvenience.  But what I don’t get is how once she’s wet herself, she doesn’t seem to mind.  It’s pretty hard to convince someone who doesn’t mind warm, wet urine on her panties, leggings (side note: where can I find child jeggings?) and socks that she should go to the toilet to relieve herself.

So, I’m back to prompting her to use the toilet on several scheduled occasions throughout the day.  By prompting, I mean I say, “Eliza, we’re going to use the potty now.”  (If I ask her if she has to go, 118% of the time she will say, “No.”)  Then, I give her a choice, because choice is a key strategy I must use to get her to do what I want.  I let her decide whether she’d like to use the “big potty or the little potty.”  We still have training potties in our bathrooms so she can go on her own, but I obviously prefer the “big potty.”  So if she chooses the little potty, I try to convince her to use the big one anyway by telling her big girls like Dora use the big potty.  But if she puts up a fight, this is not the round to try to knock her out.  So, I do this process when she wakes up in the morning, mid-morning, before her nap, after her nap, before dinner, and before bed.

When she starts going on her own consistently again, I will wean her from the drills.  But for now, as long as she’s decided to decide not to use the potty on her own accord, I am going to decide for her that I’m not going to wash any more wet or soiled clothes.

School is way scarier for me than it is for my child

Posted on by peeinpeace

Don't bother me mommy, I'm at school now.

Eliza started pre-school a couple weeks ago, and on the first day, her teachers opened the door for her and she walked right in.  I didn’t get an “I love you, mommy,” a “good bye” or even a backward glance.  In fact, I could barely get the camera to zoom enough from the doorway (a threshold I was not supposed to cross) to get a picture of her because she had basically “peace out-ed” me for a play kitchenette.

I wasn’t hurt because I know my daughter, and I knew this is how she would be.  No, what I was then concerned about, and still am now, is what she does in that classroom everyday while I’m not there.  It is frightening to think a two-year-old is going to show everyone all the horrible things about you.  In a lot of ways she is just a tinier version of me, but with even less of a filter (if that’s possible).  It’s scary to imagine her pointing her finger firmly at a classmate and yelling, “NO MA’AN, NO TOUCH IT.  THAT MY TOY!!!”  Or she might tackle one of them and scratch him in the face like she does to Zach while watching me to see how I will react.  Or she might demand, “COME HERE, RIGHT NOW!” to one of her teachers because she says that to me all the time (because I say it to her).

When I pick her up after two hours every day, thank goodness it is clear the teachers pick something positive about your child’s behavior that day to tell you about.  (Today one teacher said Eliza had a lot of fun climbing on the playground with a classmate.  Goodness, is that the BEST thing she did all day?  At least on Monday she said Eliza consoled another girl who was upset.  That shows empathy and concern.)

I’ll always wonder what happens during the other hour and 55-minutes of her time.  I sincerely hope the teachers are trained to decipher normal behavior and that they will tell me if anything really odd happens.  They must know I love my little munchkin because when I pick her up, Eliza greets me joyfully.  Just as she struts right into class, she prances right back out to me.  Today, she said she had fun playing on the playground, and then she said, “I MISSED you, Mommy.”  I guess I can handle being ignored when I drop her off if that’s how she greets me.