Sometimes grace is all you’ve got

Posted on by peeinpeace

Today, simply put, is “one of those days.”  And it’s only 1:23 in the afternoon right now.

Last night I wasn’t tired when I went to bed, so I allowed myself to go to sleep late.  I said to Greg, “Gosh, I hope Zach doesn’t get up at 5:30 again like this morning.”  I prayed, wanting to have a good attitude, asking God that regardless of when I would be woken up, that I would be the mom He wants me to be.  Of course, I also requested that his will would coincide with mine, meaning an appropriate wake-up time would be around 7 a.m.  I asked God to give me the strength to love Greg and our kids the way He wants me to love them.  (This is a consistent prayer of mine.)

Then God, or Zach, or both of them, woke me up at 5:07 this morning.  It’s only mid-day, and I’ve already been working more than eight hours.  When my day starts like this, it’s so easy for the runaway train of negativity to take over my thoughts.  Exhaustion for me leads to impatience, lashing out, and a slew of other not-so-beautiful traits.

The day has not presented itself with more challenges than any normal day would with a 27-month-old know-it-all toddler and a 10-month-old curious and fast-moving baby.  But every tug on my pants, temper tantrum and trip over the dog is just that much more difficult to suck down with a smile than usual.

Speaking of the dog, she really has a barking issue.  When anyone comes near the door, she sometimes barks so forcefully that it shoots a poop nugget out of her butt.  I’m not kidding.  We’ve seen it happen.  Today during lunch, a UPS guy dropped off a package and Abbey went crazy as usual.  I was finally enjoying a few bites of my food when I thought I smelled poop.  I looked behind me and Abbey was dragging her butt on the ground.  Apparently two poop nuggets strung together by – something (hair?) – had shot out from the attempted delivery man assault, but not all the way.  This was the capstone to my already “crappy” morning.  I shouted at her to get outside and then Clorox wiped the floor that had just been mopped an hour earlier.

And now, looking back, while God is giving me a respite while the kids nap, I am thankful for the peace and quiet.  And I am laughing at how ridiculous it is that my dog does that.  Right now I can pick up my Bible and spend some time reading.  But before I do that, I have to admit I’m a bit sad, disappointed in myself for my lack of self-control in the tough moments.  I wish I were more capable of handling every situation with poise.  I wish that every time I prayed for peace, joy, patience and restraint that I would have them.

When I feel like a bad mom for blowing up or losing it, I have to remember that God not only covers a multitude of sins, but in the words of Pastor Bob Coy, He covers a multitude of scruples.  I am so thankful for the grace He gives me, and the grace my kids do, too.  I am praying I can be as gracious to them this afternoon.

So Lord, please bless me in this short time I have.  I want to spend time with you and I want to take a nap.  But it’s already 1:47.  Please let them both sleep until at least 3 p.m.  But if not, help me to be okay with whenever I am back on duty.  And help me to have a better attitude this afternoon than I did this morning.  Amen.

School is way scarier for me than it is for my child

Posted on by peeinpeace

Don't bother me mommy, I'm at school now.

Eliza started pre-school a couple weeks ago, and on the first day, her teachers opened the door for her and she walked right in.  I didn’t get an “I love you, mommy,” a “good bye” or even a backward glance.  In fact, I could barely get the camera to zoom enough from the doorway (a threshold I was not supposed to cross) to get a picture of her because she had basically “peace out-ed” me for a play kitchenette.

I wasn’t hurt because I know my daughter, and I knew this is how she would be.  No, what I was then concerned about, and still am now, is what she does in that classroom everyday while I’m not there.  It is frightening to think a two-year-old is going to show everyone all the horrible things about you.  In a lot of ways she is just a tinier version of me, but with even less of a filter (if that’s possible).  It’s scary to imagine her pointing her finger firmly at a classmate and yelling, “NO MA’AN, NO TOUCH IT.  THAT MY TOY!!!”  Or she might tackle one of them and scratch him in the face like she does to Zach while watching me to see how I will react.  Or she might demand, “COME HERE, RIGHT NOW!” to one of her teachers because she says that to me all the time (because I say it to her).

When I pick her up after two hours every day, thank goodness it is clear the teachers pick something positive about your child’s behavior that day to tell you about.  (Today one teacher said Eliza had a lot of fun climbing on the playground with a classmate.  Goodness, is that the BEST thing she did all day?  At least on Monday she said Eliza consoled another girl who was upset.  That shows empathy and concern.)

I’ll always wonder what happens during the other hour and 55-minutes of her time.  I sincerely hope the teachers are trained to decipher normal behavior and that they will tell me if anything really odd happens.  They must know I love my little munchkin because when I pick her up, Eliza greets me joyfully.  Just as she struts right into class, she prances right back out to me.  Today, she said she had fun playing on the playground, and then she said, “I MISSED you, Mommy.”  I guess I can handle being ignored when I drop her off if that’s how she greets me.

TV: My necessary evil

Posted on by peeinpeace

Last week, amid potty training and puke, I think Eliza watched each of the 7 DVR’d episodes we had of “Dora the Explorer” 2-3 times.  She sat latched to me like a lap parasite for hours on end in a Dora daze.  I wouldn’t normally allow such a thing, but during a 104.3 degree fever, she can do whatever she wants.  And besides, it dawned on me that when I was home sick as a kid, that’s pretty much all I did.

Now I’m trying to wean her from the experience, because she thinks she can still say, “watch Doda” (she has the Latin rolling her Rs thing down) and she’s going to endlessly sit in front of the tube mesmerized.  Obviously, I don’t want her to watch hours on end of television every day, but I must say that it is a wonderful time buyer sometimes.

I remember reading that the American Association of Pediatricians recommends that toddlers watch no more than 1-2 hours of television per day.  At the time, I was pregnant with Zach, and I laughed at the thought, saying to myself, “Who allows a toddler to watch even THAT much?  Eliza only watches about 20-40 minutes.”  Once Zach came along, I knew exactly what toddlers watch 1-2 hours a day.  Or more.  Those with siblings.  (Or fill in the blank because I completely understand now.)

In my perfect world, I entertain my children all day long with educational games, puzzles, and toys.  We run around and chase each other.  We sing songs.  Zach sits still (safely) somehow while Eliza obeys my every command so I can get things done like cooking and cleaning.

In my real world, I have to prioritize because there is no way to keep a clean house, nurse a baby, entertain a toddler, plan and make baby food and healthy meals, have clean clothes, run errands, and tend to others’ needs 24/7.  Something’s gotta give.  Right now, it’s television.

First thing in the morning, in order to be able to nurse Zach, pump extra milk, and make some breakfast for Eliza, I put on an episode of Dora.  I don’t know how else I could do it (though I am all ears for suggestions).  We generally watch another episode sometime before nap in the afternoon because I need to buy more time to get things done.  After nap, we often watch another episode, usually while I’m trying to make dinner.  And I must confess that some days, like today when it’s rainy and wet out, we’ve already watched four episodes.  (I know I promised not to mention it, but Eliza has spent the past day and a half regressing in her potty training.  She is not sleeping well, either, so having to pee and poop and holding it in endlessly is really causing problems.  We’re back to her clinging to my lap, begging for boots and Isa and Tico and Benny and all her Latin TV friends.)

Does this make me a bad parent?  I know I’m not the only one who wonders that.  Last week I was at a friend’s house and she turned on Yo Gabba Gabba and confessed that sometimes she sets her two in front of it to get some peace and quiet.  Then she said, “I know that’s bad.  Is that bad?”  It was like I could tell she thought I would never do such a thing, and I would judge her for doing it.  And I said, “No that’s not bad, I do it, too.”  She was so relieved.

Why is it that it’s so hard to feel like a good parent when you can’t keep the card house from falling without a little help?  No, I don’t propose letting television raise your children.  We do play games, sing songs, read books, and chase each other.  But the dishes have to get done somehow, too.  And the cooking.  And the cleaning.  And the laundry.  I’m curious to know from other moms how much they think is too much.  And I’d love some tips on other types of distractions for young children.  Because I, too, can only take so much “Dora Dora Dora the Explorer, DORA!”