10. You just spoke to one of your lifelong friends for the second time this year and found out she had a boy in August: and neither of you is mad about it.
9. Your voicemail box is full because you use it to remember all the calls you still have to return and, more importantly, it serves as your contact list should you ever actually get around to making the calls.
8. When you are out alone, you constantly feel like you’re forgetting something and the lack of tiny person distractions still doesn’t make you capable of having complete thoughts.
7. Sleep is something you used to get. You recall a time that lying in bed awake was something you did.
6. You are constantly doing laundry, but almost none of it seems to be yours because you wear pants 3-4 times before considering them dirty and shirts twice, unless there is something very obviously wrong, like caked-on oatmeal or throw-up has tainted them.
5. You spend more time wiping other people with tissues and toilet paper than yourself.
4. You have a wart on your hand that’s been there since you got pregnant, your baby is now 8-months-old, and you haven’t used the Freeze Away you bought a month ago to get rid of it because you haven’t had time to sit down and read the directions.
3. You recall a time in the deep recesses of your brain when you were free to take last-minute weekend trips or just go out to eat. At least you think your life used to be like that, but you don’t trust your memory and might have made it up. Hence:
2. Your Christmas wish list is a date night, a sick day, a flannel shirt and ear plugs.
– and –
1. Your New Year’s resolution is to lose baby weight. Even if your baby is in school.