Sometimes grace is all you’ve got

Posted on by peeinpeace

Today, simply put, is “one of those days.”  And it’s only 1:23 in the afternoon right now.

Last night I wasn’t tired when I went to bed, so I allowed myself to go to sleep late.  I said to Greg, “Gosh, I hope Zach doesn’t get up at 5:30 again like this morning.”  I prayed, wanting to have a good attitude, asking God that regardless of when I would be woken up, that I would be the mom He wants me to be.  Of course, I also requested that his will would coincide with mine, meaning an appropriate wake-up time would be around 7 a.m.  I asked God to give me the strength to love Greg and our kids the way He wants me to love them.  (This is a consistent prayer of mine.)

Then God, or Zach, or both of them, woke me up at 5:07 this morning.  It’s only mid-day, and I’ve already been working more than eight hours.  When my day starts like this, it’s so easy for the runaway train of negativity to take over my thoughts.  Exhaustion for me leads to impatience, lashing out, and a slew of other not-so-beautiful traits.

The day has not presented itself with more challenges than any normal day would with a 27-month-old know-it-all toddler and a 10-month-old curious and fast-moving baby.  But every tug on my pants, temper tantrum and trip over the dog is just that much more difficult to suck down with a smile than usual.

Speaking of the dog, she really has a barking issue.  When anyone comes near the door, she sometimes barks so forcefully that it shoots a poop nugget out of her butt.  I’m not kidding.  We’ve seen it happen.  Today during lunch, a UPS guy dropped off a package and Abbey went crazy as usual.  I was finally enjoying a few bites of my food when I thought I smelled poop.  I looked behind me and Abbey was dragging her butt on the ground.  Apparently two poop nuggets strung together by – something (hair?) – had shot out from the attempted delivery man assault, but not all the way.  This was the capstone to my already “crappy” morning.  I shouted at her to get outside and then Clorox wiped the floor that had just been mopped an hour earlier.

And now, looking back, while God is giving me a respite while the kids nap, I am thankful for the peace and quiet.  And I am laughing at how ridiculous it is that my dog does that.  Right now I can pick up my Bible and spend some time reading.  But before I do that, I have to admit I’m a bit sad, disappointed in myself for my lack of self-control in the tough moments.  I wish I were more capable of handling every situation with poise.  I wish that every time I prayed for peace, joy, patience and restraint that I would have them.

When I feel like a bad mom for blowing up or losing it, I have to remember that God not only covers a multitude of sins, but in the words of Pastor Bob Coy, He covers a multitude of scruples.  I am so thankful for the grace He gives me, and the grace my kids do, too.  I am praying I can be as gracious to them this afternoon.

So Lord, please bless me in this short time I have.  I want to spend time with you and I want to take a nap.  But it’s already 1:47.  Please let them both sleep until at least 3 p.m.  But if not, help me to be okay with whenever I am back on duty.  And help me to have a better attitude this afternoon than I did this morning.  Amen.

Mommy confessions

Posted on by peeinpeace

Earlier today I spoke to a friend who’s known me 90% of my life.  She said she had a breakdown after reading this blog one day, feeling stressed because she realized she would soon have to start making her own baby food, thinking it would be too much, wondering how I do it with two kids when she has one.  It’s interesting timing, because yesterday I was thinking I should tie up loose ends and come clean about a few things.  I think it would be easy for someone to read parts of this blog and think somehow I have super powers or my children do things like go to bed without a fight.  (Actually, tonight is one of the nights Eliza went right down, but Zach is still up and super ornery, sitting on Greg’s lap next to me trying to contort himself into a position from which he can watch back episodes of “30 Rock” with us.)

The truth is I mess up quite a bit, and constantly wonder if what I’m doing is the right thing.  So, to be sure you all understand I am real with you, here are my current “mommy confessions”:

TEACHING and DISCIPLINE

1) I’m not sure I would call it caving in, but I did not, in the end, force Eliza to eat her macaroni and cheese with peas and carrots (from my last post).  What happened was she was so tired (and hungry) that she fell asleep sitting up on the couch.  I took the opportunity to heat up some leftover matzoh ball soup.  When I came back to the couch, Eliza was awake and she wanted my soup.  Now, I had tried to get her to eat this soup before with no luck, and as it had carrots and celery in it, I considered it an even trade with the macaroni and cheese.  She ate it up.  She was so hungry that she probably would have eaten anything.  And her eating habits have been much more, shall I say, cooperative since then.  But I technically did not stick to my guns.

2) I haven’t spent time planning meals to cook for Zach in probably three weeks.  Part of that is because we were on vacation, but part of it is because I’m too tired.  Maybe I’ll get on another baby food cooking kick tomorrow or the next day.  But I highly doubt it.

3) I haven’t started teaching Eliza how to sort laundry yet.  Today she wanted to “help” me fold sheets, and after about 2 1/2 minutes of her messing it up, I quickly cut her out of the process so I could just get it done.  Sometimes, it’s just not a teaching moment.

GERMS

4) Sometimes when I need a bottle I just rinse out the one I used at the last feeding with hot water.

5) I don’t always remember to wash Zach and Eliza’s hands before they eat.

6) I let my kids eat off the floor at home and sometimes in public.  When we’re out, if one of them drops food on the ground (like a sandwich or something I can’t easily replace), I check to see if anyone else is watching.  If someone is, I say, “Oh, we have to throw that away now because it’s dirty.”  But if there’s no one around, I just give it back.  Of course, if it were, say, a raisin, I would throw it out no matter what.  It just depends on how valuable the item is.

SAFETY

7) I’ve driven Zach to and Eliza from the mall – that is 25 miles away – without having them buckled in their car seats.  They were IN their seats, just not STRAPPED.  I always double-check this now.

8) I’ve driven Eliza around for an entire day without her car seat being strapped into the latches.  Now I never put the car seat in the car without latching it in immediately.

9) When Eliza was about 5-months-old, she was on my bed and I went into the closet for a minute to hang up a few things, and she rolled off.  Thank the Lord she was okay.

10) The morning we left for the beach trip a couple of months ago, Zach fell down our entire flight of basement stairs.  (These things always happen under stress.)  I was trying to get last-minute laundry done, so I carried a pile to fold upstairs and forgot to close the basement door.  At the same time, Eliza woke up.  So I dumped the laundry in the sun room where Zach was sitting happily on the floor, and I went upstairs to get Eliza.  She, of course, needed to pee, so I reluctantly took her to the bathroom.  When she was finishing up, I heard a “thud, thud, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH” and immediately ran downstairs.  He was at the base of the basement stairs, screaming his head off.  I couldn’t stop shaking afterwards, and praise God he was alright.  I even had the pediatrician check him out to be sure.  But I think out of everything that’s happened, that was the worst.

We all have our shortcuts and shortcomings, and we all make our mistakes.  I think being real with ourselves and each other helps us accept our humanity and realize we’re not alone in this journey called motherhood.  I will be the first to say that it’s okay if you don’t make your own baby food.  Sure, it’s healthier, and pretty easy, but I probably negate all the good nutrition I get them by letting them eat off the floor.  Sometimes we’re just getting by, and that has to be enough.  I hope you can share your confessions, too!

My “boss” is moody and completely irrational

Posted on by peeinpeace

Being a parent is the most amazing job out there and I love it.  It is rewarding, challenging and awe-inspiring.  But there are also moments when it seems like you are working for bosses (your children) with about one-sixty-forth your intelligence who will not let you quit – and cannot fire you – for 18 years.  Last night through today is one of those times when I’m just shaking my head, throwing my hands in the air and trusting that sticking to my guns will pay off.

This story begins with us returning from vacation a week ago, when within hours I came down with my first stomach bug since I was a child.  Let’s just say thank goodness I still have Eliza’s training potties in the bathrooms, because I was using two toilets at once.  After Greg and I both got it, I spent a few days fearfully anticipating when the kids would succumb to the violent sickness.  So, as Eliza kept asking for bread throughout the past week, I eagerly complied with the requests, thinking she must have felt nauseated.

It turns out she either already had a mild version of it while on vacation or she’s not going to get it.  So here we are, a week later, and the result is I now have a child who only wants to eat bread and fruit.  This is a situation that I would like to correct quickly.  Thus, last night I made mac and cheese from scratch with carrots and peas.  It was delicious.  I was proud of it.  I served it to Eliza and Zach.  Neither wanted to touch it and both started crying.  (Lucky for Zach, he’s too young for tough love and I gave him something else.)

I told Eliza she had to at least taste it before she could get down from her seat at the table.  What ensued can only be described as madness.  She spent 25 minutes in complete despair, screaming and crying.  She asked to get down probably 42 times, each time receiving the explanation that she could do that after she took a bite.  Sometimes when she asked, I would ask, “Eliza, what do you have to do to get down?”  And she would answer, “Eat my pasta.”  Right.  Good girl.  You get it.  But getting it and doing it are two entirely different things.

I finally took one piece of pasta, one pea, and one carrot, placed them on her place mat, and said, “Eat that and you can get down.”  She took them, shoved them quickly in her mouth, chewed vigorously, opened her mouth to show me it was gone, and smiled.  I asked, “Did you like it?”  She replied enthusiastically, “I WIKE it!”  Yay!  It was the proverbial “Green Eggs and Ham” moment.  Then I asked, “Would you like to eat some more?”  She responded, “No, I wike to get down.”  What could I do?  She held up her end of the bargain.  So that was her dinner.  A pea-sized carrot, pea, and mini penne noodle.

She also didn’t eat but a few bites of her spinach and cheese omelet for breakfast yesterday, and I had saved that, too.  Wouldn’t you know she woke up at 12:30 a.m. asking for bread.  I told Greg she had eggs and pasta in the fridge, and then, in a moment of weakness, I said, “You know what?  Just give her bread.”  I didn’t want her to throw a fit, get worked up, and not be able to go back to sleep.  So I went to bed and he got suckered by a 26-month-old.

This morning I offered Eliza the eggs for breakfast.  She ate a few bites and refused the rest.  She wanted other food, she wanted to go outside, she wanted juice, and I promised her she could have all these things if she would eat the eggs.  I finally threw them out after 2 hours.  Next I moved onto the pasta.  It’s almost 2 p.m. and I’ve been offering her reheated pasta for four hours.  She will not budge.  But neither will I.  Until she eats some of it, she won’t get anything else.  This might cost me her nap because she’ll be too hungry to sleep.  But I must stick it out.

As her employee, she’s given me an inexorable and nearly impossible assignment that is asinine and costing her a lot.  But she’s testing my character.  What she doesn’t realize, because she’s two, is that I am smarter than her and I have more stamina.  I’ll show her who’s boss!

I know I said the potty training was done, but …

Posted on by peeinpeace

… it turns out that once kids are trained to use the toilet, sometimes they decide not to.

Eliza has suffered in the past week from wetting herself because she just doesn’t want to pull herself away from her very important activities, like playing in her sandbox or texting her friends.  And I get it, it’s an inconvenience.  But what I don’t get is how once she’s wet herself, she doesn’t seem to mind.  It’s pretty hard to convince someone who doesn’t mind warm, wet urine on her panties, leggings (side note: where can I find child jeggings?) and socks that she should go to the toilet to relieve herself.

So, I’m back to prompting her to use the toilet on several scheduled occasions throughout the day.  By prompting, I mean I say, “Eliza, we’re going to use the potty now.”  (If I ask her if she has to go, 118% of the time she will say, “No.”)  Then, I give her a choice, because choice is a key strategy I must use to get her to do what I want.  I let her decide whether she’d like to use the “big potty or the little potty.”  We still have training potties in our bathrooms so she can go on her own, but I obviously prefer the “big potty.”  So if she chooses the little potty, I try to convince her to use the big one anyway by telling her big girls like Dora use the big potty.  But if she puts up a fight, this is not the round to try to knock her out.  So, I do this process when she wakes up in the morning, mid-morning, before her nap, after her nap, before dinner, and before bed.

When she starts going on her own consistently again, I will wean her from the drills.  But for now, as long as she’s decided to decide not to use the potty on her own accord, I am going to decide for her that I’m not going to wash any more wet or soiled clothes.